May 16, 2022
I had to cancel our dog therapy work. The movement of picking up Dominiak with his 12 lb. weight from the floor to bed for our visits, as many as 15 beds a visit, caused zapping sharp pain down my arm. It was weak and felt dislocated. I struggled with constant nerve pain, intensified by stress and cold weather.
At my follow-up visit, the elbow replacement had healed. It was time to proceed with my shoulder surgery. In August 2012, I had the surgery. It exposed more damage than the images reported. Complete rotator cuff tears and complex (SLAP) labrum tears. Dr. Chuniard had confidence the shoulder would heal as long as I followed the post-op instructions and physical therapy. It would be a 6-month process. The initial post-op instructions were to wear a sling strapped to my body for three months, removing it only for showers and light stretching exercises. I slept on the couch propped with pillows. The time went quickly or was it the drugs. Honestly, I had a pharmacy of medications. I took a 100mcg fentanyl patch applied every other day, 325/10 mg Norco pain pill every 6-8 hours, 10 mg Flexeril, a muscle relaxant, and 1700 mg of Gabapentin for nerve pain. Plus medication for nausea, and sleep, many others, from antidepressants to anticonvulsants. The physical therapy was brutal. I was doomed for life popping pills with a painful, stiff shoulder. It took all of the six months to heal. Today, my shoulder is fabulous and flexible!
Damaged physically and mentally melancholy. I was feeling disengaged with life. I was exhausted and moody. I was losing the battle with any normalcy or being out of pain. The conflict in my head was being tortured to death, little by little. I felt sorry for myself. My pity party changed to a sassy attitude as I thought of my mom’s battle for her life. She and my kids were my inspiration to fight. The pain doctor suggested a psychiatrist for new tools to navigate my new life with chronic pain and my limitations. I met the best psychiatrist to guide me through this challenge, Dr. Corniler. He first taught me to relax with a technique called biofeedback, attached to a machine with stick-on electrodes. This machine made noise when the muscles were tense, none when completely relaxed. The first time using it, it was constant noise. It took a couple of sessions to learn to breathe and relax. A tremendous coping tool I use today in my life’s stresses.
A discussion with my pain doctor and psychiatrist on my physical and mental state. They both suggested I go to a warmer climate to see if that made a difference in my pain. I wanted to decrease my medication with hopes to rid of them completely. I felt the meds were hindering my quality of life and possibly being addicted to opioids. They controlled my life, and I was numb. They reassured me I was not addicted and that I may be on them for the rest of my life. Of course, that was my invitation to prove them wrong. This was not going to be my lifestyle, drugged and feeling like a soaked up sponge attached to an electrical socket, constantly zinged and zapped. Oh, hell no.
I did take their suggestion and visited relatives in Florida and California. The warm weather did help. It lessened the constant zapping and sensitive discolored arm exposed in the cold weather. The distraction was helpful too. It was a baby step back into the world. I was still fighting extreme fatigue, body weakness, balance, and vision issues. I was on an emotional roller coaster. The walls were closing in. I would joke and say, Just put me in a padded room. I tried hard not to show my pain. I rarely scheduled much as I did not know when the pain was too intense to confine me to bed. It controlled my life. Before I went insane. With nothing but time, I started researching the medications and treatment options for my symptoms based on my injuries and my diagnosis of CRPS II. It was time for me to take charge.
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