April 16, 2022 The hardest hit
My return home was a huge adjustment for the whole family. My daughter was off to college. My son was turning 14 in a few weeks, and he was recovering from a two year diagnosis of juvenile rheumatoid arthritis. He went from a healthy kid with perfect attendance to being extremely fatigued and debilitated in his joint movements. He transitioned from playing sports to learning of his gift for music. I was bedridden, my arm in a plaster splint wrapped in gauze, a post surgery bandage covering the long 34 stapled incision down a good portion of my arm. My recovery required me to have my elbow elevated above my heart. In the hospital I was placed in a special bed with a sling attached to a bar hovering above the bed.
My husband Jeff created a similar contraption at home with a ladder and a pole. It worked great. We were in survival mode. We lived in a beautiful home on 20 acres down a 1 ½ mile private road that we built ourselves in 1998. Jeff ran his own insurance business that was 30 miles away with crazy long hours. Before the accident I ran a horse barn and was on call 24/7. I took care of our home and the kids, and drove our son back and forth from school and his activities. I was completely independent and had a very active life. After the accident, I found myself in need of constant help and was in extreme pain. I was hit with enormous bouts of anger and feeling sorry for myself. I felt stupid for the accident, irresponsible as a wife and mom. It all could have been avoided. I knew better to have my horse wear a breast collar, especially with the type of saddle I had. Over and over in my head, I thought, “why me?” It had been years since I had needed help with anything in my life. I started babysitting at 10. I took care of my family. If it needed to be done, I did it. Suddenly, I couldn’t do anything. I was right handed, and now had to use my left hand for everything which I struggled with and had little coordination. It was hard doing simple tasks, like eating or brushing my teeth. I felt like a child, learning how to do simple tasks all over again. I was uncomfortable asking for help and relying on others. I was embarrassed and disappointed to put this responsibility and pressure on my family. To help me get out of the negative headspace I thought about the struggles my grandma and mom had when they were fighting cancer to live. I felt like they were guiding me, giving me the determination and strength to push on. Jeff, my kids, and extended family and friends were so supportive. My other grandma would always say, “this too shall pass”. I was fortunate to have extremely passionate and strong women in my life to set an example in tough times. I had to be the best example for my kids, they were the driving force to be positive and fight through these negative inner struggles. To this day, these women are in my head, in my heart, and in my soul guiding me through my life struggles to remind me that life is precious, live it to the best you know how.
At my first week post op with my surgeon, he addressed the many complex injuries. When I dislocated my shoulder, I damaged the joint. He didn’t know exactly how much. The main focus was to take one injury at a time, and we started with the elbow. We also didn’t know the extent of the nerve damage as I still had no feeling or function in part of my arm and hand. Dr. Chuinard hoped his reconstruction of my elbow surgery would be successful and that time would heal the nerves.
On my 8 week post op visit, I was having difficulty with extending my elbow and no improvement with the pain or function in my arm and hand. I had an EMG done to evaluate the nerve damage. If you have ever thought of a way to torture an enemy, this would do the trick. You are essentially a pincushion for an hour. In part one of the test, they stick needles in different areas to read the communication of the nerve to muscle. In part two, they listened to the audio reaction, it felt like they were strumming the nerve like a guitar string. It was so painful that I was sweating and at times bouncing up off the table in pain, a sensation much worse but similar to hitting your funny bone. The test results showed I had stretched my lower brachial plexus, the bundle of nerves that control your arm. I had some nerve loss down from my shoulder and total ulnar nerve loss below my elbow that controls your hand. Dr. Chuinard decided I needed another surgery to remove some of the hardware for better elbow movement and place the ulnar nerve at the elbow under the muscle. I believed in preserving and helping the ulnar nerve to heal. He would follow up on the extent of my shoulder and brachial plexus injuries later. On November 18, 2010, I had my second elbow surgery. I was sent home with a machine called the CPM, short for continuous passive motion. I was to be on this machine which flexed and extended my arm while supinating and pronating my wrist for 23 hours a day, 7 days a week, for 6 weeks. I was allowed 1 hr a day to be off it. Yes, I slept with it. Fortunately, I was on a ton of medication. I didn’t have a care in the world. All the life stresses were put on Jeff and Zack. I had to give up my job at the barn. I was in a zombie state with the hope that this would complete the healing. So I had hoped..
personal blog 